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Kim Atienza renews contract with Santé Barley. Josh Mercado
MANILA — Months after losing his daughter Emman, Kim Atienza said grief “never goes away,” opening up about mourning, healing and finding purpose while living in the public eye.
In public, however, that grief is not always visible.
Atienza showed up at the Santé headquarters along Ortigas Avenue on Monday in good shape, wearing a brightly colored polo, smiling and accepting photo requests from guests.
"I'm grieving right now," he admitted in a heartfelt interview with ABS-CBN News, before pausing to take in the feeling. “It never goes away. Many people believe that grief is linear, and that with time, you may heal. You will never heal, especially from the death of a child. You will never heal.”
Atienza went on to say that what he truly feels within is an expression of love for his daughter, sharing, “Grief is my expression of love for Emman. But it’s unrealized love. The heart is bigger. You become bigger. Grief changes you. It can change you in a worst way or it can change you for better way.”
The TV host also stressed that, despite their smiling faces in public, they grieve deeply within — unobserved, quietly, and differently.
He shared with ABS-CBN News, “Grief changes you. But it will stay there. A lot of mga kaibigan natin na namatayan, akala niyo okay na ‘yan, hindi ‘yan okay. They cope, but they will never be the same.”
“Grief comes in waves. It’s not linear. The wave will come kapag may naalala ka at mag-gri-grieve ka talaga. But I respect people who are hurt and continue on. ‘Yung mga kaibigan natin na nasaktan, tuluy-tuloy sila. Karespe-respeto,” he added.
The TV anchor also spoke about her daughter’s presence in his house after her death.
“Emman's room in our house remains the same. Her things are still there. Her notes are still there. Her toiletries are still there. Her makeup is still there. Do I enter or avoid the room? What I do — all of my shoes are in Emman's room. My bible is near her bed. I sit beside her bed, read my passages, and openly grieve,” he opened up.
Newfound calling
Recently, Atienza went viral for his response to a netizen who posted about giving up on life, feeling tired, broken, and unmotivated.
When asked to respond to the viral moment, he told ABS-CBN News, “I’m very alert sa mga ganyan after Emman’s death. Sometimes kasi your worst can kill. But they can also save. Maraming mga batang may mental illness na gusto lang nilang marinig, eh. Hindi mo alam baka ‘yun na ang huling pahiwatig.”
Having compassion for people who struggle with mental health, he added, “I’m very alert online sa mga [nagsasabi] na, ‘Pagod na ako, ayaw ko nang mabuhay.’ As a celebrity, I understand how one small word can actually save a life. ‘Kamusta ka na? Okay ka lang?’ Ganoon lang. Madalas ako na nagko-comment ng ganyan.”
“A little kindness goes a long way,” he emphasized.
The viral netizen met with Atienza, who directed him to a psychologist and provided him life advice. “I guess they see me as a safe place, and there is a need for someone who is safe to express themselves, which they most likely see in me. It is an honor, but it also carries significant responsibility.”
“Grabe ang need [ng kabataan]. It goes to show that online comments can kill and can save lives,” added the Santé Barley endorser.
When asked if this has become a newfound mission, he said, “I think so. Ibinigay sa akin ng Panginoon.”
At the end of the conversation with ABS-CBN News, Atienza stated that he wants to cry it out every time grief strikes him, while also wishing to help more young people with their mental health issues.
“Gusto ko ngang maiyak ako. Kapag umiyak ako, hindi na ako iiyak sa ibang araw. I talk about it para masanay and at the same time makakaapekto pa ng ibang tao sa magandang paraan,” he ended.